Steve Smith says he is still traumatised by the infamous "Sandpapergate" ball-tampering scandal in 2018, but the former Australia skipper is undaunted about returning to South Africa for his first test series since.
The prolific batsman was sent home in disgrace, banned for a year and sacked as captain after conspiring to alter the ball using sandpaper during the third test in Cape Town eight years ago.
David Warner, considered the ringleader, was suspended for 12 months and stripped of all leadership roles while Cameron Bancroft was slapped with a nine-month ban.
Smith, preparing for the first test in Durban on 9 October before the series moves to Gqeberha and Cape Town, said he still suffers flashbacks to a traumatic period of his life.
He is haunted by memories of leaving Johannesburg airport, with cameras clicking furiously around him, and a harrowing Sydney press conference on his return when he broke down in tears.
"I'm not a big fan of cameras ... I get anxious around cameras to be honest," he told News Corp. in an interview published Thursday.
"That was a traumatic experience in my life and when I hear the flash of a camera it makes me revisit that in a way.
"The 24-48 hours of being told by James Sutherland (then-Cricket Australia chief executive) that I was getting banned for a year. That and going through the airport in Johannesburg getting absolutely mobbed, and then flying back and doing that press conference.
"I still have little flashbacks here and there of it."
Smith bore the brunt of the scandal that is considered one of Australian sport's darkest moments, but bounced back emphatically.
He smashed a superb century against England on his return and has gone from strength to strength, with 10 920 test runs so far at an average of 56.
"It was certainly a difficult period, particularly the initial period a few days after," he said.
"The mental state I was in was not great. That's somewhere I'd like not to get to again, but I certainly learned from that and have been able to move forward with my life.
"I've tried to kind of erase a lot of 2018 and what happened," he added.
"I can't remember a lot about the series. I've tried to block most of it out of my memory bank."
Smith has been back to South Africa for a white-ball series since 2018, but not for a test and he is bracing for hostile crowds.
But the 37-year-old is unperturbed, having negotiated multiple Ashes tours to England since 2018, where the Barmy Army abused him relentlessly.
"It's something I'm kind of used to. I've copped a lot at times away from home at different venues across my career and it's something that I take in my own stride," he said.
"I use it as motivation to try and go out and do well and try and take a positive from it."